Ever wondered why someone else „got“ your promotion?
Does this situation sound familiar: you, your colleagues or friends work hard, try to finish all your tasks on time, present high quality results but despite all this you are left sidelined and your work is not adequately acknowledged.
As a result, constant comparison of yourself with others, trying to prove that you are worthy, expectation of praise and recognition of your achievements, lack of encouragement, confirmation that you are doing everything well.
It hurts to see that someone else is getting promoted unfairly. Typically people in such situations start catching themselves thinking: am I doing the right thing? Is this the right company for me? Is this the right position for me? Do I work with the right people? Maybe it’s worth doing something else?
Do similar questions occupy your mind or may be someone in your environment? If so, let’s together reflect on the situation and see what can be done about it.
Growing up scenarios
When a child grows up, he constantly looks for parents’ approval and confirmation of his achievements: he draws a picture and instantly runs to show it to his mom / dad / teacher. He is waiting for confirmation of his achievement and admiration from his parents. It is a natural evolutionary need for external recognition.
What happens next? Let’s look at 2 scenarios (simplified and generalized).
Scenario 1. A child has grown up and has realized that he is an adult and a self-sufficient person. He has grown up both physically and emotionally. No longer does he depend on recognition from the outside; he knows that he can cope himself; he has adequate points of support for himself; he knows how his actions lead to success, and he can independently adjust his actions in order to arrive at the desired result.
Scenario 2. A child has grown up physically, but constantly feels the need to be noticed, encouraged, promoted. He has a dependence on external factors.
Where is the difference? In the first case, a person has learned to see himself, his value and his talents for what they are and manage them. In the second case, a person is stuck in the illusion that someone from the outside can give him inner comfort, joy, protection, stability and recognition of his qualities and values.
A child in the first scenario was not born with his skills; he has learned them. They are the acquired skills — through experience, training, and self-development. They help him to move up the career ladder, earn more and balance all areas of life, — family, work, his hobbies and needs.
While this child will move confidently through life on his own, a child from the second scenario will depend on the circumstances: will someone notice him, promote him, then he will be … As a rule, perfect conditions never take shape and a person becomes frustrated, unhappy, lives in constant anticipation. Life, meanwhile, passes by, and there is always a viable explanation for each failure: the other one is chosen because he is younger, born in another country, has better education, etc. I am not appreciated, because people like me have less chances.
What should you do if your life follows the second scenario?
1. First of all, it would be the best to accept the reality, even if it doesn’t please you at the moment (You can pass our test How self-aware are you? in case if you have doubts as to which scenario your life evolves).
2. Do not fall into a negative spiral (oh, I’m a poor and unfortunate soul!). Try to think rationally: what can help me achieve greater self-confidence, self-sufficiency, and success. Equally important is to shift focus to abilities. These are the skills that can be developed.
An example: a person cannot control his anger. He thinks that this is his character and nothing can be changed. At the same time, he admits that this quality prevents him from moving up the career ladder. It is important to realize that this is not a character trait, but a model of behavior that has been developed, this is a reaction to a particular situation that can be changed.
Another example: a person expresses his opinion as it is, without thinking that he can offend someone. You can consider this as a character trait, but you can equally consider it as a quality that can be revised. If a person invests in developing empathy and a different communication strategy, he may not only achieve desirable results but also assure that he doesn’t offend other people around him.
3. Try to develop another internal communication strategy, learn to interact with yourself. What you see in the outside world is a reflection of your inner state, emotions, feelings, and beliefs. To change something outside, you need to start from the inside. You need to accept and realize your value, learn to praise yourself, see your own strengths and weaknesses, your needs, learn to see yourself positively, encourage yourself, appreciate your own talents, realize your uniqueness and stop comparing yourself with others. Focus on these three key qualities: calmness, internal balance, and self-reliance.
4. Try to develop a different external communication strategy, learn to interact with others from the position of a new self: a confident, self-sufficient person, who transmits calmness and value to the outside world. This also includes abilities to collaborate, to negotiate and to see the value and talents of other people, to interact with people at the same level (from the position of me — ok, you — ok), to articulate your needs and desires without belittling others and putting pressure on them.
This is all good, one would say, but how do we get there? Learning by doing it is one option. Working with our consciousness and subconsciousness is another option.
All in all, there are various ways to get a desirable result. Some necessary qualities we obtain automatically throughout our life experiences. However, there is no guarantee that through our life experience we’ll be able to gain all those qualities that constitute the formula of work and life success; those qualities that allow us to get to the new level. We can, obviously, find enough excuses for not actively acquiring new qualities.
The better way to achieve work and life success, however, is to realise and accept the need for these qualities for our future successful steps and begin working on our self-improvement. Such work can be done independently or with the professional help of a psychologist, coach or trainer.
If you decide to cooperate with us, the method we work with gives an acceleration of qualities, skills, and talents’ disclosure. A person acquires knowledge through experience and can apply it every day, moving to a new level of thinking and self-acceptance. The results of our method are visible instantly: every hour of interaction demonstrates qualitative improvements.
Our clients (and they come from such well-known companies and firms as Credit Suisse, UBS, Novartis, Nestle, LOnza, GSK) get in touch with us at different stages of their problems.
Some come at the very beginning and they succeed in saving family and business relationships. Others come once they have lost everything but they manage to rediscover an inner strength and rebuild everything from scratch. Regardless at which stage of your problem solving you are at the moment, we sincerely wish you to succeed!
Take a short quiz and learn “How self aware are you?” You will also get the opportunity to learn how you can accelerate your career or any other areas of life.
And what about you? Do you feel you have acquired all necessary skills for your career growth?
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players…”
(W. Shakespeare, As You Like It)
We believe that each and every one of us is not only a leading actor but first and foremost a writer of our own destiny. Overwhelmed by life events, we may unintentionally forget that we are the sole playwrights of our own lives. We may even unwittingly drop or lose the thread of our unfolding life story. Then, we start questioning ourselves and let others do the writing for us. Doesn’t this happen to all of us occasionally? The best thing we can do is to resume the leadership as soon as we can: only we should write the play of our life!
With the renewed confidence and new skills, we design new perspectives. Coaching and training are the best instruments we use to achieve this goal.